I know I know morbid right, but it’s a fair question. Do your
loved ones know what light company you use or what health insurance your kids
are under? Do the kids know who they would go to if both parents passed, or
what you want done with your remains? Who would be over making sure all of this
gets taken care of? Next of kin, does that person know all of this would fall
on them?
When Dink passed, I was lost. I learned very quickly that
EVERYTHING was left up to me. I had to decide what to do with his body, his finances,
our kids, our possessions, everting. Just because he was gone didn’t mean our
bills and things where gone. But it did mean that all accounts we had together
were locked and put on hold leaving me 5 months pregnant with no money and no
way to get to that money.
I was still required to pay car notes, I had doctors’ appointments,
and a funeral that all still needed paying. Lucky for me I had friends that banned
together and started a GoFundMe and later had a fundraiser to help me stay afloat
till Harris county decided to give me a Death Certificate. I have since learned
that I could have been saved a lot of aggravation had Dink had a will or at
least gave me Power of Attorney or named me his executor.
After going through what I had to I started preparing for my
death. No, I am not planning on dying but the heart ache of losing someone is
hard enough without the added stress of deciding what to do when that person
passes. Dinkie and I had lots of conversations about what we wanted done to our
remains when we passed so I didn’t have to decide anything. I already knew what
he wanted and that’s what we did. This is one reason I started planning. I want
to take as much stress and sadness off my loved ones as I possibly can.
When I was a week from my due date, I wrote a “will”. I told
my mom about it and I also put it with my preregistration papers. My mom didn’t
want to hear it and didn’t want to acknowledge it was needed. Women die every
day in childbirth, and I needed a way for my mom to be named the girls guardian
and that she was to receive all of my possessions and assets. I have since gone
a few steps further.
I’ve done some research and found out Holographic wills are
valid documents if you write them properly.
Holographic wills need to be written entirely in the deceased’s had
writing and do not require a witness to be legal in the state of Texas. Although
this is helpful there could be downfalls to a holographic will. For example,
dates are not required so if you change your will the court and/or your next of
kin won’t know which one to use.
In mine I appointed my mother executor and state that if I pass
all my property goes to her. I appointed her the guardian of my children and I also
appointed backups for each the executor position and guardian. I made sure to
date it and make a copy. I have read that being as specific as possible is best,
so I tried to do just that. I even put my animals into my will stating where I would
like them to go as well. The last one I wrote was quite a few years ago and I need
to add a few things in such as visitation for Darius and the girls.
I have had several conversations with the girls and my
mother as to with who or where the girls would go had I passed unexpectedly.
That was a great fear of Emma’s right after Dinks passing. I try to ask them
who they would want to go with every couple of years or so. I want them to be
as happy as possible if they were ever put in that situation. They are so used
to being with Darius 24/7 how would they feel to live with my mom and only see
him seldomly? How would my mom feel if they wanted to be with him? Would that
even be legal since we aren’t married? There
are so many factors to take into consideration.
Another thing I did was make a family binder with all our
important information. I keep our birth certificates, socials, and other
information needed for my mom to care for my girls and my estate if I pass or I
become gravely ill. A few pieces of paperwork I made sure to include are my
Advanced Directives. Advanced directives are Declaration for Mental HealthTreatment, Directive to Physicians and Family of Surrogates, Medical Power ofAttorney, Out-of-Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Information, and Statutory DurablePower of Attorney. These forms will keep my mom or anyone else from having to
decide weather to unplug me if I become a vegetable (unplug that shit), or who I
want to be the one making those decisions for me if I can’t. I’ve given her
instructions where to find this binder as well as a few friends.
I have also appointed
my mother my legacy on Facebook so she can have my page converted to a memorial
and she will have control of it. I have given a few friends my social media
passwords and they have been instructed what to do when I pass. I have also
very openly posted on my social media that I don’t want a funeral but have yet to
put into anything into writing, but I will.
I have posted lots of what I want done after I pass on
social media but have never put it into writing and that’s yet another crucial step
I am in the process of making now. The less my loved ones must plan and decide
on the better. I am updating my will and this time it will include what I want
done to my remains, that I don’t want a funeral, that I’m considering donating
my body to science, or that I want my organs donated to save a life. The day Dink passed I had someone call and ask
for his organs. I was upset they even had the nerve to call and ask but time is
of the essence and had he told me he was ok with that earlier I would have said
yes.
I highly recommend everyone talk to your loved ones and find
out what they want. Have a will to save them lots of added decision making and
heart ache. Make sure your kids know they are loved and won’t be just
abandoned. They need and want to know where they will go and who will care for
them. Oh and if you would like I make
the Advanced Directives clickable links to the Texas.gov PDFs or you can just
Google them for yourself. I promise having this stuff done will help your loved
ones more than you will ever know, and you will get the peace of mind knowing you
took care of everything you could even after you are gone.
