"Keep Fighting"

I cant believe its been 3 months since my last post. I guess time flies when your having fun, and that's all I have been trying to do. Since Dink's birthday party I have gone to the Houston Livestock show and Rodeo Cook Off, survived softball season, started Emma in Gymnastics, rode bikes 10 miles around Houston with my Bestie Maddy
, took TK to the Rodeo for the first time with Emma and Shawn

, had my 28th birthday, finished the Grief Group beginners program and started an ongoing group, took the kids to the children s festival, watched Emma in her school play, spent TK's first Easter with the in laws at the house, made it threw the Yay4Life benefit without breaking down, took the kids on a trip to moody gardens, went to Emma's school to watch her get a Rocket of the Month award (one kid in each grade is picked!)

, watched Emma get a new karate belt while crying my eyes out, enjoyed Sylvan Beach Festival with minimal tears, started another boot camp, had my first Mothers day as a mother of 2, got something I have been wanting for a very long time, started crafting and baking again, went camping at Garner

, took a last minute trip to Sea World, celebrated TK's first 4th of July

, and spend time with someone that makes me happy again. So for the most part I'm doing great. I wish the rain would stop because its been raining for the last month, or at least it feels like a month but other than that I have been doing great and so have the kids.

As you can see I stay pretty busy. At first I was staying busy because it would keep my mind of the fact that Dink was missing all of this, that I was alone and having to do this alone. But what I realized is I like being busy, I like doing things with my kids and seeing them smile. I LIKE TO SMILE! I don't want to be sad and miserable and I know Dink would not want me to be sad and miserable either. Who would want to be like that anyway? After seeing some of the ladies in my group years out still down and feeling horrible about life in general I decided that that's not me and that's not what I want for me or my kids. 

I dont see how staying upset and keeping everything in makes it all "better" or "go away". I have no problem letting my feelings out or telling people whats going on. I have always been a very open person and maybe that's why I'm able to be as ok as I am. Last year was not the first time anything terrible has happen to me. Every family has their secrets and I keep several. I have never let any of the bad things that happen to me hold me back from enjoying the one life I have. I feel no one should let things hold them back from happiness. 

When something bad happens to you and you just sit around thinking about it and how terrible it was that thing starts to consume you. After the passing of Dink I laid in bed for what seemed like forever. All I did was lay in bed and cry. I let the loss consume me. I felt there was nothing left. And if the people in my life would have left me to myself I probably would have let it end me. I was 5 months pregnant yet I didn't want to eat or drink. All I wanted to do was cry. I had people to push me to do simple things like drink a protein shake, or get me up and move me from my bed to the chair. I needed those people to remind me of what I needed to keep going for, what I worked so hard for, that I couldn't give up because I had people that needed me. And to be honest it was a post from one of my cousins that made me get up and do what it was that I loved to do again. I started to focus on doing things that make me happy again. It took me realizing that I needed to do these things to keep going. When I finally got the picture it was easier to keep going and look forward when my Grandmother passed and my Dad. 


Emma makes me happy, crafting makes me happy, and now TK makes me happy.I want my girls to see me succeed in everything I try, or at least trying my hardest. If they are going threw something tough I want them to be able to say, "My mommy went threw all of this and she is ok, so I will make it threw and be ok".