And then there were two

In September of 2005 I went to visit some friends at the Kemah Board Walk and met the perfect guy. I didnt know it at the time but he would be the one for me. We started a whirlwind romance after three days. We moved in together after three months and in 2007 we were blessed with the most beautiful little girl. We were married in 2009 and had many new experiences together. He was a dream come true. He was exactly what I wanted and needed. We made eachother better in several ways. We volunteered and fostered for shelters, we helped our friends in need, he even became a volunteer firefighter. He was the daddy every girl needs and the husband every woman wants. I have been told that he worshiped the ground we walked on. He was mine and we made eachother so happy. 

On May 3rd I lost him. He ha an accident and passed away in our bathroom. I don't really know what to feel or how to act. We just found out I am pregnant with a new baby girl. I was told to keep calm because the baby feels what I feel. How can you ask an emotional pregnant woman to keep calm? I just lost the love of my life and all everyone wants me to do is move on and take it one day at a time. I don't want to. Each day that goes by is another day that I have been without him. The space between us keeps getting bigger. Every minut that passes is a minute further away from him. Life is not fair and I know I need to be strong and keep going for our children but the truth of the mater is I dot want to. I don't want to go bak to a job I hate, I don't want to move back in with my mother, I don't want to do any of the things I have had to do in the past three weeks. Who plans a funeral for the love of their life at 27? I know people that haven't even been married yet. I have a beautiful marriage, sure it had it's bumps but all of them do. Mine was special. I knew in my heart and with all that I was that we would be together forever. Now I am a 27 year old widow that lives at home with her mother and kids. 

I am mad that my husband would be so careless. I want to ask him why he would do this to us. I thought he loved us deaply? Why would he leave us? Why do something so stupid? I'm also mad at myself for giving him the means. I'm mad that I didn't make him go to the birthday party. I'm mad that I didn't leave the party earlier. I'm mad that I didn't kiss him goodbye. I'm mad that I didn't hold his hand so if he was still there even a little bit he would know I was there and loved him. I am mad at myself and I am mad at the world but most of all I am sad. 

I am sad that I have to miss him every second of every day. I am sad that my daughter only got 6 years with her daddy. I'm sad that our new daughter will never know how it feels to sit in his lap while he plays video games or have his warm arms rock her to sleep. I'm sad that both of my daughter will end up looking like him so they will both be the only thing that can make me smile yet torcher me every day. 

I love you Tyra D Elzy and I will love you "forever and a day"!