I Washed Dishes!

Anyone that knows me knows how much I hate washing dishes. I hate it with a passion! As I stood in front of the sink washing the dishes I couldn't help but say, "you promised you would wash the dishes for me", out loud, with pain in my heart. Yes its been over a year now and your probably wondering how I have gone this long without washing dishes anyway. Well I had my God-son for a while and that was one of his chores if he wanted his allowance, or I paid a friend to come clean, or I had someone sweet come help me out when I was feeling overwhelmed. Yes I would rather find any other means to get the dishes taken care of then for me to do them myself. That is just how much I despise doing dishes.

The reason behind me loathing dishes so much is my Dad. Back when I lived with him, when things were bad, I wasn't happy with him, or anything in my life, so I was very rebellious. My dad thought I was just being a shit but it was more because of the things I saw from him and the things he was doing. but that's a different story, back to dishes. Well I was grounded for years, no joke, YEARS! My dad would find any and every reason to ground me weather it be grades, not hearing him when I'm at the park, or whatever, once I was grounded for threatening to tell on him about his illegal substances. Well my main punishment was to wash dishes. My dad was an out of this world cook and we always had these awesome dinners. So naturally that meant lots and lots of dishes and my family didn't think it was necessary to at least rinse a fucking dish! Most of my day would consist of standing in front of the sink washing dishes, every day, for years on end.

After I left my dads my mom did all the cleaning at her house because she is a clean freak, lol love you mom. Sure she asked me every now and then to empty the dish washer but nothing to crazy because she knew/knows how much I hate washing dishes. When Dink and I first got together we talked about our past and all our deep dark secrets. He knew about my dad and why I hated dishes so much. He promised me he would do the dishes from now on. Everyone made fun of him for it yet he didn't care. He would bitch sometimes and tell me next time I was washing yet in the 10 years we were together I think I washed Dishes 2 or 3 times.

So as I stood in my kitchen washing dishes I couldn't help but be upset. I was upset that my dish washer was gone. Upset that my partner was not there to help with the things he did. He promised he would always be here for me and now he isn't. I have been doing so good for a while. When I would think of him it would be happy and I would smile but this time was different. He spoiled me so much. Doing the dishes may not be a big deal, but now its the little things I miss the most. The simple things like grocery shopping, or taking a bath, or even going to the bathroom are so hard now. Just to run to the store to pick up milk is such a pain in the butt. I have to load up the baby and fuss at Emma to get in and out then the fussing in the store then loading them both back in just to get them back out at home. When we needed something from the store one of us would stay home with Emma and the other would go get it. 

I am so privileged to have the people in my life that I do. My mom is such a big help with the girls. I'm trying to get my cake businesses off the ground and its hard to with a baby crawling around and a 8 year old that needs to be in several places all the time. On the days I need to make cakes my mom will get the girls so I can focus and get it done in a timely manner. I also have some friends that are great helps when it comes to the girls and a friend that helps when he can.  I just cant help but wonder how our life would be with Dink here. He was a great dad and helped with Emma so much I can only imagine how he would be with TK. He pushed Emma and I do do the things we loved and things we were good at. Now with him not here I have others helping us chase our dreams and do things we didn't think would be possible. Things like washing dishes.