I am finding I have to push myself threw every day. Some days I am pushing harder than others. Everyday things just seem pointless and meaningless to me. I know no one ever wants to get up in the morning but this is different. I just some times don't see the point in it. Most people work towards something, towards happiness. Since mine was taken away too soon I don't see what I'm working towards. Just taking a shower or brushing my teeth are struggles for me. I use to love the shower. I still like to sit I. The shower but it's not the same. I would have the radio on and realax and cry if I needed. Now I shower in silence and cry every time. Not because I need it but because I can't help myself.
My mom wants me to get my room/ the baby's room together and ready. Most pregnant mothers have started the nesting stage by now and have gotten the roomed set up and ready to go. I still have all TK's things in boxes and buckets. I have tried several times to get some paint to paint a wall and to organize my room but I just can't seem to get enough motivation to fallow threw.
If I didn't see Emma every morning I know I wouldn't do anything with my life. I would just be a blob in my bed. I miss him so much. I miss seeing him and Emma play and I miss the way he made me feel. I miss everything about him even the stuff that made me mad.
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