My Kids Call My Boyfriend Daddy

With the resent passing of Father's Day I have decided to address this. I have had several people say, "you LET them call him daddy?" or ask me how I feel about this, how my in laws feel about it, or how my family feels about it. And I've even had someone tell me they don't like it. But in all honesty, isn't it more about how my kids feel about it? It not like I pressured either of them into it and its really not up to me.

Tyra has never known anyone but Darius as a father figure. When she started to talk she naturally said "Dada" as one of her first words. And for the longest everyone was "Dada" to her. But when her vocabulary started to grow and I became "mommy" and Emma became "sissy", I never thought to "correct" Darius to...well, Darius.

The first time Emma or myself actually noticed that TK was calling Darius "Daddy", we were in the car and Emma showed her a picture of He and I. Emma pointed to me and asked, "who's that?", and TK answered, "mommy". But when Emma did the same to Darius TK replied, "Daddy!". Emma was immediately upset and started fussing at TK and pulled up pictures of Dink. She showed TK the pictures and said, "No this is your daddy". I was sad for both my girls. On one hand I had Emma to think about and how hurt she must have felt and the other TK had no idea why Emma was so mad.  I had to get onto Emma for being so mean to TK and still hear her out to let her know I understand why she was upset and that it was ok to be upset about it.

I tired to explain to Emma that just because TK called Darius Daddy, didn't mean she didn't love Dink or that he wasn't her daddy. I asked Emma if she ever noticed that I call my step dad Mike and my real dad, Dad. That I have called out "Dad" when both of them were present and I got a "yeah?' from both. They both know I call them Dad and they both know I loved them both. I told her that it was ok to love more than one dad and that it would never take away from the love any of us have for Dink. I brought up other people in our lives that have both a parent and a step parent that they call mom/dad. All of this seemed to help her feel better about the situation and she even told TK it was ok to call Darius daddy.

Since then Emma has really started to open up to the step dad concept. When I would say something like, "Daddy is on his way.", I would normally correct myself if I was talking to Emma and say, "sorry Darius". But not to long ago she told me I didn't have to change it to Darius and that she knew who I was talking about. She has even called him daddy randomly herself. I don't push her and I've told her she never has to call him anything other than Darius if that's what she wants.

I don't see anything wrong with my girls calling Darius Dad. He does all the things a dad would do. He has paid Daycare, bought clothes, shoes, school supplies, gone on field trips, picked them up, dropped them off, went to practices, went to games, went to Donuts with Dads, changed diapers, done their hair, let them do HIS makeup, tea parties, he paints toe nails, helps with homework, comforts them when they are hurt or sick, picks them up when they fall, and much much more.
If someone is doing their part to be there for the child as a parent weather they are biologically related or not they are the parent. I even have a friend who's parents I call Mom and Dad. They were there for me and still are there for the girls and I. I think it should only matter to the child/person that is calling them Mom/Dad.

I know lots of people probably wonder, what if we break up? I honestly feel very confident saying he will still be in the girls lives. He has mentioned before that if I were to leave him he would still want to see the girls. And knowing how much the girls love him I would never take away another person they love, as long as he is treating them the same. He and I are not a perfect couple and even when we aren't on good terms he asks about the girls and text Emma constantly. I don't post a lot about him and neither does he about me but we make it work and keep us between us, away from the girls. I feel his family will always be our family no matter how our relationship ends up. They have taken us under their wings and been there for us when our own family couldn't.

Darius did not have to stick around but he has and he has done the best he can with not only being in a step parents position but as someone trying to help us get through our grief.  He and his family are extremely understanding when it comes to us missing Dink. Ill be forever grateful to Him and his family for just being there when we needed and understanding.